My New Quest
by xfilesfanatic
Summary: What's going on in Mulder's head after he interrogates Duane Barry in Ascension? There is no comfort in this fic, only hurt and angst.


**Disclaimer:** The X-Files aren't mine. So don't waste your time suing me.

**A/N:** Thank you to strbck23 for suggesting I write something from Mulder's or Scully's POV. This story is from Mulder's POV, and takes places during Ascension, just as he is about to leave Duane Barry alone in the interrogation room.

My New Quest

"I'm sorry."

Those two words penetrate through the jumbled thoughts in my brain as Duane Barry sits there before me, daring to apologize for abducting Scully for his selfish purpose. I want to shout at him, tell him that I know full well he isn't sorry, call him a maniac and say he's nothing more than a pathological liar, as Scully said he was. But then again, I believe him, that he is an abductee, and I can't help but feel more torn than ever. There are victims, innocent and unsuspecting, who endure the most inhumane tests conducted on them without their knowledge or consent, and Duane Barry is undoubtedly one of them. He was sick and tired of it, so he gave them Scully so that they could hurt her instead of him. In all fairness, I really should take the man's suffering into account, and see things from his viewpoint. If it were me, would I become so desperate as to trade someone else to endure severe pain inflicted on me?

As much as I hate to admit it, my answer would be: most likely, given that my circumstances were the same as his. I should be able to try to comprehend this mindset, but since this is Scully we're talking about, there is no way even my rational mind will see past the inexcusable cruelty and injustice Duane Barry inflicted on my partner. He took her away, and now I'm going to need everything within my reach, including Bureau resources and therefore my job, in order to find her. However, if all of that weren't in enough jeopardy, don't doubt that I would have strangled Barry to death and gladly suffered the consequences. I feel sorry for him, but I hate him a hell of a lot more. As I glare at him, far too angry to respond, he speaks again:

"They had to take her. I hope they're not hurting her...too much with the tests. I'm sorry."

Now my blood is boiling. Despite my exhaustion, the adrenaline pumping through my veins sharpens my senses into full alert and I want nothing more than to remove my gun from its holster and shoot Duane Barry straight in the heart. _I'm sorry. _No, no way. The man is not sorry! He stuffed my partner mercilessly in the trunk of a car, drove her off to some godforsaken mountain, and then handed her to men our of government to victimize as they please. Did I also mention he murdered an officer in cold blood on his way to Skyland Mountain? I get it, the tests are too much to bear, that's why he traded her off, but that's also why he's not sorry, despite what he tells me! Oh, and he hopes they're not hurting her? Dammit, he knows full well that they are! My mind screams to slug him and give him another dose of pain, but with all of my willpower, I restrain the thought, knowing it will do me no good to give in. Instead, I still can't bring myself to do or say anything to him, so I turn around in haste and slam the door on my way out of the interrogation room, leaving Barry alone.

As I pace over and stare into a small window, I see not the darkness just beyond, but images of the one thought my mind suddenly fixates on: _Scully is hurting_. This isn't a dream or a frightening illusion. She is really missing, and somewhere out there, someone is harming her. I'm here now, in a small building at the summit of Skyland Mountain interrogating Duane, but I should be by her side, comforting and holding her, doing all I can to protect her from her abusers; but I can't, because I don't know where she is.

I want to adopt a mantra, convince myself that this is not happening. But it is, and it isn't fair. Why did they take her and not me? _I_ am the one out to expose their dirty secrets, _I _am the one fully invested in this quest, and _I_ am their biggest threat. Scully is my friend and partner; she doesn't deserve this, and as far as protecting their secrets go, she is nowhere near as much a threat to that as I am. These men...I wish they'd come back, and take me instead. You know...me for Scully, as it should be.

Emotion overwhelms me again. My heart pounds in my chest and my throat clenches tightly at the thought of Scully in pain, and my being too far away to save her from it. I look away from the other agents in the building, miraculously keeping my composure intact. Without warning, the fatigue that left in haste not a moment ago now starts to numb my body again, and I want nothing more than to retreat to a secluded place and weep for my partner. We only worked together a little more than a year, but in that time, she was always there when I needed her, and what did she get in return? I'll tell you: a worthless partner who couldn't do the same! I would like to shoot myself here and now, but being dead isn't going to get me anywhere, and tears would only waste precious time. Instead, I am going to pull myself together and focus on my new quest:

_I am going to find her._


End file.
